Well, okay, Jim. For what it is worth, you are my new favorite writer on substack.
• Masterful, natural dialog.
“Jack turned his head just far enough to give Howie the side-eye. “The fuck took you so long?”
“You know, you worry too much Howie. You think you can change anything by getting your panties in a wad? Let ‘em close the place, burn the fucking place down for all I care. You wanna worry? Maybe you outta worry that your gut is so big that you can hardly reach your beer on the bar.”
• I love the repeated device of hearing Marie’s vocabulary in his head, made all the more poignant when we find in the end that she has died. You made me "know" Marie's character as much as the two men. So very clever.
• You engaged us, made us wonder why:
“One of the guys gave Jack a nod and turned away. Jack could tell that a lot of people were not comfortable talking to him these days.”
• I especially liked Howie's “Distinct olfactory signature” and Howie as a sculpture - "defeated man, seated”
• I could see and smell that pub and feel my ass on the barstool, eavesdropping on these two men.
This is powerful writing. I cannot wait to see what is next.
Well, okay, Jim. For what it is worth, you are my new favorite writer on substack.
• Masterful, natural dialog.
“Jack turned his head just far enough to give Howie the side-eye. “The fuck took you so long?”
“You know, you worry too much Howie. You think you can change anything by getting your panties in a wad? Let ‘em close the place, burn the fucking place down for all I care. You wanna worry? Maybe you outta worry that your gut is so big that you can hardly reach your beer on the bar.”
• I love the repeated device of hearing Marie’s vocabulary in his head, made all the more poignant when we find in the end that she has died. You made me "know" Marie's character as much as the two men. So very clever.
• You engaged us, made us wonder why:
“One of the guys gave Jack a nod and turned away. Jack could tell that a lot of people were not comfortable talking to him these days.”
• I especially liked Howie's “Distinct olfactory signature” and Howie as a sculpture - "defeated man, seated”
• I could see and smell that pub and feel my ass on the barstool, eavesdropping on these two men.
This is powerful writing. I cannot wait to see what is next.
Thank you so much Sharron. Coming from you, those are high complements. You picked up on everything I was trying to convey.