Convenience Store Chronicles Part 3
Guest Post by Penn Alter
Penn Alter is a young man who works at a 7-Eleven in my town and takes college courses part time. He chronicles the conversations he is involved-in or overhears at work. He apparently has hundreds of these. This is part three. You can read parts one and two in the archives.
22.
This register is closed. Please use register two.
Ok.
Will that be all?
Dude, you’re the same guy. Just shuffled over three feet.
23.
I took one of those kittens from the lady that came in last week.
You did? They were so cute!
Yeah, I got a selfie of him here.
Wait, cat took his own picture?
24.
Anything else?
I’ll take one of them Bic lighters too.
You want one of the NFL ones?
Sure, you got the Giants?
Giants? No we’re out. I have the Jets.
‘Course you got the Jets. I’ll just take a plain one.
25.
I thought you had those pool noodle thingies here.
No Ma’am, we don’t have those.
I could swear I’ve seen them here.
No Ma’am, they have them at the one on Skyline.
Oh right. Can you have them bring some over?
26.
I went out with Devon on Saturday night.
Oh, look at you smiling.
Yeah, it was nice.
He’s the tall one right?
No, that’s his half-brother Marcus.
Oh, Devon’s the polite one right?
Yeah, he’s such a gentleman.
Oh that’s sweet. Is Marcus single?
27.
I’m taking Monday and Tuesday off.
Awesome, you gonna go somewhere?
I don’t know. Maybe Disney.
Haha.
Hahaha.
So, you gonna stay home and chill?
No, my mom cleans a house for some snowbirds. She said I can hang out in the pool there on Tuesday.
28.
Jen says I’m in charge while she’s gone.
In charge of what?
You know, the store, operations.
Is that right? She didn’t tell me.
Yup. So the restrooms need cleaning.
I did them last time.
And the candy section need restocking and the beer cooler.
Dude, she only went to the bank.
29.
See this old guy comin’ across from the apartments?
Yeah, he comes in for coffee and the paper every morning when I work early.
Jen says he was in the war—got injured trying to save his buddies.
Which war was that?
I don’t know much history. One of the old ones I guess but I kind of want to say thank you to him. You think that would be weird?
No, nothing wrong with thanking a man for his service, bro.
30.
Have you completed your mission?
Excuse me?
Have you secured the goods?
Yes, mission complete.
Have you been issued a secret rewards code?
Yes, committed to memory.
Please enter it now on the secure keypad.
Code entered.
Well done, you have saved one dollar and eighty-two cents. Do you require the evidence?
No, no evidence.
I shall burn it.
31.
Can I ask you a question?
Sure.
You guys sell those shirts?
This? It’s more like a brown smock.
You got any old smocks laying around?
Why would you want one of these?
I told my mom I got a job.
Yes!!! Oh my God, these are just too good. The "mission complete" one is perfect. "I shall burn it".
I hoped that you would. He’s very clever!