I like this a lot. Yes, I understand that says something about me that I should probably keep to myself. I really like your writing too, mainly because I didn't notice it much while I was reading. I just fell through the page and saw what was happening, which is how I like it best.
Incredible writing, Jim. A well-crafted story about all the hidden things in people's lives, particularly young folks experimenting with life and making mistakes. Exposure can have tragic consequences. Your writing reveals a deep love and understanding of the human condition, Jim. That and your talent for storytelling makes your work special.
Thank you for your kind words and your insight, K.C. Fiction, as you demonstrate in your own writing, is all about studying and embracing the human condition for better or for worse. I'm happy that this struck a chord with you.
Jim, this is amazing work. It is so real...it took me back to my teen years growing up in a small, rural Catholic town. Sometimes crazy things happened, sometimes big, dark things. Different from the happenings in your story, but flavored the same with that soured dream taste. This is just a tremendous story and it made me feel deeply.
Jim, I'm late to the party here as usual. I don't know how I missed this one. Thought I had read all of your work. I saw a mention of you and Death Art by Victor, at the end of one of his newest stories. I am so thankful that it led me here. This was fantastic Jim and halfway through, I thought about the origin and where this story came from. It was just so damn good, almost too good to be just a fictional story - if that makes any sense at all. It had a ring of reality and personal nightmare attached to it, I swear that was my thought. Just seriously good stuff here, brother. Maybe my favorite so far, but that's a photo finish between about many of your stories - Jim
Thanks Jim. It was nice of Victor to bring this one to the surface again. Yes, very loosely based on a personal experience that left a mark on me and several friends. It's something that I never thought I'd write about until it just found a way out. Thank you for your very generous comments, my friend.
At times, after reading a piece, I'm left without much to say. Because I'm stunned, as if I'd just been clobbered over the head with all volumes of Dante's Inferno at the same time.
An intense read and extremely darkly satisfyingly disturbing. You slip revelations in bit by bit, and when they arrive, they pack a secret punch. Or maybe the punch of a dark secrets revealed.
Your use of tense switching here is so effective,Jim. And the way you build backstory through absolutely authentic dialog is what all fiction writers want to learn to do. So much is revealed in the references to high school football. So many more revelations when he listed all the things he "couldn't tell" the bumbling lawyer, and all the things he "would not have to tell". I wanted do-overs as much as Jimmy Cole did! My heartbreaks for him. And curses on the selfish, opportunistic Mrs Scribner for her role in his downfall. You really know your craft,Jim. A brilliant, heartbreaking story.
The truth, nothing but the truth. Now! If you feel in need of a little mood adjustment, be sure to read Shalom Auslander this week, "God's Dick Joke". I laughed like a stoned hyena. https://substack.com/profile/143409778-shalom-auslander
I opened this just now thinking "I'll just read the first few paragraphs and then continue the work I'm doing and will come back to this on my next break"... but nope, you hooked me from the get-go. I absolutely love stories where I have to keep thinking and wondering and then releasing an "ahhhh" as things slide into place. That happened here. The information was there, but you held things back and dropped it out. Marvellous execution. Dark stuff, but incredibly well done across a short piece of fiction. It reminded me somewhat of the tone/syle of Bret Easton Ellis' The Shards, which was a blast of a read of you haven't read it.
Also, I'm very sorry to hear of what happened all those years ago. Terrible. Can't imagine what you and your friends must have gone through.
Sep 25, 2023·edited Sep 25, 2023Liked by Jim Cummings
🙏
Trust yourself, you're a brilliant writer. Although I appreciate that there's a warning at the top, nothing would ever stop me from reading anything you post.
Jim, that was very good, and disturbing! I'll have that second beer now. And reread.
Thank you James. Help yourself, there's plenty in the cooler.
I'm with YOU, James.
I like this a lot. Yes, I understand that says something about me that I should probably keep to myself. I really like your writing too, mainly because I didn't notice it much while I was reading. I just fell through the page and saw what was happening, which is how I like it best.
Thank you, Jon. I sincerely appreciate the compliment. Like the great Elmore Leonard said: "If it sounds like writing, rewrite it."
Incredible writing, Jim. A well-crafted story about all the hidden things in people's lives, particularly young folks experimenting with life and making mistakes. Exposure can have tragic consequences. Your writing reveals a deep love and understanding of the human condition, Jim. That and your talent for storytelling makes your work special.
Thank you for your kind words and your insight, K.C. Fiction, as you demonstrate in your own writing, is all about studying and embracing the human condition for better or for worse. I'm happy that this struck a chord with you.
And thank you so much for the re-stack today.
Jim, this is amazing work. It is so real...it took me back to my teen years growing up in a small, rural Catholic town. Sometimes crazy things happened, sometimes big, dark things. Different from the happenings in your story, but flavored the same with that soured dream taste. This is just a tremendous story and it made me feel deeply.
Thank you Liz. One of my favorite comments is to hear that the reader experienced real feeling. I can’t thank you enough for your kind comment.
Outstanding writing. I didn't read it, I flowed through it beginning to end.
Thank you so much, Miles. So glad you found me and checked it out. I appreciate your very encouraging comment.
Jim, I'm late to the party here as usual. I don't know how I missed this one. Thought I had read all of your work. I saw a mention of you and Death Art by Victor, at the end of one of his newest stories. I am so thankful that it led me here. This was fantastic Jim and halfway through, I thought about the origin and where this story came from. It was just so damn good, almost too good to be just a fictional story - if that makes any sense at all. It had a ring of reality and personal nightmare attached to it, I swear that was my thought. Just seriously good stuff here, brother. Maybe my favorite so far, but that's a photo finish between about many of your stories - Jim
Thanks Jim. It was nice of Victor to bring this one to the surface again. Yes, very loosely based on a personal experience that left a mark on me and several friends. It's something that I never thought I'd write about until it just found a way out. Thank you for your very generous comments, my friend.
At times, after reading a piece, I'm left without much to say. Because I'm stunned, as if I'd just been clobbered over the head with all volumes of Dante's Inferno at the same time.
An intense read and extremely darkly satisfyingly disturbing. You slip revelations in bit by bit, and when they arrive, they pack a secret punch. Or maybe the punch of a dark secrets revealed.
Nicely done Jim, very nicely done..
Thank you Victor. I often feel that way after reading one of your pieces. I appreciate your very kind comments.
Very much feel the same. 👏 Jim.
Your use of tense switching here is so effective,Jim. And the way you build backstory through absolutely authentic dialog is what all fiction writers want to learn to do. So much is revealed in the references to high school football. So many more revelations when he listed all the things he "couldn't tell" the bumbling lawyer, and all the things he "would not have to tell". I wanted do-overs as much as Jimmy Cole did! My heartbreaks for him. And curses on the selfish, opportunistic Mrs Scribner for her role in his downfall. You really know your craft,Jim. A brilliant, heartbreaking story.
Thank you so much Sharron. You are so very generous with your advice and "Beta reading."
My friend missed-out on the last fifty years, so the concept of the "do over" was a small comfort to me as I wrote the final version.
The truth, nothing but the truth. Now! If you feel in need of a little mood adjustment, be sure to read Shalom Auslander this week, "God's Dick Joke". I laughed like a stoned hyena. https://substack.com/profile/143409778-shalom-auslander
That's hilarious! "Twisted humor" as someone commented.
Superb, Jim.
I opened this just now thinking "I'll just read the first few paragraphs and then continue the work I'm doing and will come back to this on my next break"... but nope, you hooked me from the get-go. I absolutely love stories where I have to keep thinking and wondering and then releasing an "ahhhh" as things slide into place. That happened here. The information was there, but you held things back and dropped it out. Marvellous execution. Dark stuff, but incredibly well done across a short piece of fiction. It reminded me somewhat of the tone/syle of Bret Easton Ellis' The Shards, which was a blast of a read of you haven't read it.
Also, I'm very sorry to hear of what happened all those years ago. Terrible. Can't imagine what you and your friends must have gone through.
Thank you so much, Nathan. I can't think of a more satisfying comment than "you hooked me from the get-go."
Your praise is inspiring, coming from a writer whose work I admire so much.
Yes, this is a dark piece and I was very hesitant to post it here. My two trusted "beta readers" convinced me to put it out.
I have not read "The Shards" but I will be sure to check it out.
🙏
Trust yourself, you're a brilliant writer. Although I appreciate that there's a warning at the top, nothing would ever stop me from reading anything you post.
Hope you get around to The Shards at some point.
I can't thank you enough, Nathan. This vehicle runs on encouragement and you just topped off the tank with high octane.
"I don’t think I can ever lay these cards on the table." -- fave line.
PS
"Dripped", not "dropped". Damn autocorrect.
Thank you, Mitch. Your comment goes to the essence of the story.