Man, what a great story, Jim. I love your attention to detail. You never use needless words, and the whole read feels carefully constructed. Thanks so much for sharing!
Okay. This is officially New Yorker Magazine quality writing. Revenge with no repercussions is SO satisfying! I knew who Dianna with two Ns was from the first paragraph. Your dialogue is so tight,so spare -- so authentic. You never explain, you just show. For example: “Oh, for God’s sake, Steven, do you still feel the need to keep track of my whereabouts?” That gives us all the back story we need. I loved the way he cut her off with, “I’ll sue them Dianna.” SO effective the way you wove in the news article and then the sequence of TV shows to indicate the passing of time. I loved the phone call with the ABC producer. Delicious! I was left not quite sure who the "bad-guy" is. Could be either one - or both. Your stories are so sophisticated, so smart. And your subject matter is always important. ( Like dealing with the death of a father, the loss of a wife, relocation, industrial strikes, etc.) This is brilliant work, Jim. I am proud to know you.
Wow Sharron, I'm so happy you like it. I had set this one aside several times because I was having trouble figuring out where to go with Steven. Then along came Patrick and the opportunity to show that Steven could indeed be a shark when called for, but he would be a righteous shark.
I hope you know how meaningful and confidence-building your comments are to me. You are a wonderful and busy writer but you always take the time to do a deep read and share thoughtful and inspiring comments. I'm still waiting for the day when you say "Nah, that one didn't work for me." (I'll just have to deal with it.) Haha.
Going over to LEAVES right now to see what kind of trouble Haylene and Marla are stirring up!
I have my red pencil all sharpened up and waiting. It is gathering dust. I forgot to say I LOVED this line "When Dianna says “thank you” it can sound like: “I have no further use for you.” You are so good at showing who people are without having to describe them. I think that is so hard to do. Also, Patrick was a very important character here, I feel. He also revealed who Steven was without any description necessary - just dialog. Brilliant.
I am studiously avoiding Sharron's red pencil of doom.
Patrick was originally just a minor character, a little departure from a female executive assistant. In time, he was the one who helped me get over the "I'm done with this story" phase. Thanks again Sharron.
Shark eats shark. Love it. Very well done, Jim!
Thanks James. Yeah, Steven finally showed his teeth. Thanks for reading, bro.
Brilliant. so well-crafted: I ahd no idea that was comimg. The twitch was a nice touch too.
Man, what a great story, Jim. I love your attention to detail. You never use needless words, and the whole read feels carefully constructed. Thanks so much for sharing!
Thank you Justin. I know you're a busy guy so I appreciate you taking the time for a long read and a thoughtful comment.
Of course - enjoyed it from start to finish!
Just wow; your fiction is no joke! Those are sure some personalities and dynamics. Thanks Jim.
Well, thank you so much! I'm glad to have you aboard.
Okay. This is officially New Yorker Magazine quality writing. Revenge with no repercussions is SO satisfying! I knew who Dianna with two Ns was from the first paragraph. Your dialogue is so tight,so spare -- so authentic. You never explain, you just show. For example: “Oh, for God’s sake, Steven, do you still feel the need to keep track of my whereabouts?” That gives us all the back story we need. I loved the way he cut her off with, “I’ll sue them Dianna.” SO effective the way you wove in the news article and then the sequence of TV shows to indicate the passing of time. I loved the phone call with the ABC producer. Delicious! I was left not quite sure who the "bad-guy" is. Could be either one - or both. Your stories are so sophisticated, so smart. And your subject matter is always important. ( Like dealing with the death of a father, the loss of a wife, relocation, industrial strikes, etc.) This is brilliant work, Jim. I am proud to know you.
Wow Sharron, I'm so happy you like it. I had set this one aside several times because I was having trouble figuring out where to go with Steven. Then along came Patrick and the opportunity to show that Steven could indeed be a shark when called for, but he would be a righteous shark.
I hope you know how meaningful and confidence-building your comments are to me. You are a wonderful and busy writer but you always take the time to do a deep read and share thoughtful and inspiring comments. I'm still waiting for the day when you say "Nah, that one didn't work for me." (I'll just have to deal with it.) Haha.
Going over to LEAVES right now to see what kind of trouble Haylene and Marla are stirring up!
Have a great day my friend.
I have my red pencil all sharpened up and waiting. It is gathering dust. I forgot to say I LOVED this line "When Dianna says “thank you” it can sound like: “I have no further use for you.” You are so good at showing who people are without having to describe them. I think that is so hard to do. Also, Patrick was a very important character here, I feel. He also revealed who Steven was without any description necessary - just dialog. Brilliant.
yes, that was definitely superior writing
Hey! Great photo! It somehow really personifies who you are. Or who we THINK you are.
LOL
I am studiously avoiding Sharron's red pencil of doom.
Patrick was originally just a minor character, a little departure from a female executive assistant. In time, he was the one who helped me get over the "I'm done with this story" phase. Thanks again Sharron.
That was so nice, I posted it twice. Tough gettin old.
who's old?
Certainly not you, judging by your new profile picture!